This Sunday’s ESPN telecast of the Viper Championship reminded me of, to borrow a phrase used by the illustrious Randy Pedersen during the telecast, a hair in a biscuit.
Actually, it didn’t at all but I wanted to work that in there because it was seriously one of the most unusual things I’ve heard since my granddaddy used to say, “he’s dancin’ in tall cotton.” WTHDTM? (What the h-e-double-hockey-stick does that mean?)
Non-sequiturs aside, the Viper show was a solid follow-up to last week’s Cheetah Championship documentary, mostly because it extended the rags-to-riches storyline of 23-year-old lefty Ryan Ciminelli.
Ciminelli qualified for the Viper telecast immediately off of his runner-up finish in the prior event, and because of all the buzz and hoopla created by that unique Kenny-Mayne-helmed affair (watch it on Xtra Frame in case you missed it), it brought even more shine than Rhino Page’s freshly shaved scalp to this week’s show.
The combatants included the two aforementioned lefties (who hatched a Dr. Evil-pinkie-to-the-corner-of-the-mouth-style plan to face one another in the final), Steve Jaros and Michael Haugen Jr. Between the men’s semis and finals, we were also treated to the season’s first official Women’s Series final between Lynda Barnes and Liz Johnson.
In the show’s opening match, Rhino Page took on “the underrated one,” Steve Jaros. I say underrated because not since Mike Scroggins’ has anyone gone as far under the radar with 7 Tour wins, a major, $1.6 million in career earnings and 41 career regional titles as Jaros. Unfortunately for Steve, who also owns the distinction of bowling the lowest AND highest games in TV history (a 129 and one of the PBA’s TV perfectos), his ball reaction resembled the buck-30 a lot more than the 3-bill reaction. After a ball change in frame three, Jaros, like the vet he is, hung in with some quality shots, but was undone in the ninth with a blower 7-10 split on a double. That gave Page, who was in or around the pocket all game, more or less a free pass into the finals as he coasted to a 221-180 win.
In Match numero dos, Ryan “The Italian Stallion” Ciminelli faced Michael “I’m Baaaa-aaack” Haugen Jr. Haugen is returning to the Tour after missing most of last season with a partially torn ACL (ou-ooch!), and appears to be making the most of his comeback with an early-season TV appearance. And, in case you were sipping tea in a cave with Osama Bin Laden last week and happened to miss the totally awesome Cheetah Championship telecast (did I mention it was available on Xtra Frame? Oh, yes I did, sorry!), Ryan Ciminelli is seriously starting to resemble Rocky Balboa trying to get another title shot after going the distance last week with Apollo Creed, er, I mean Norm Duke.
For a second, this match looked like it might be very similar to the first one, with Haugen going big-four, 3-6-10 to start the match after Ciminelli looked pretty well lined up with his big black urethane ball. But the 7-pin that plagued RC last week started cropping up again (in the 3rd, the 5th and the 7th – all between strikes, of course) and Haugen started stringing strikes in frames 3 through 6. In the 7th, Haugen left a 4-pin on a pretty decent shot, then threw a turkey to give himself a chance to shut out the young lefty with one more strike. After gutting the rack with a high hard one on the previous shot, Mike went to the well once again but gave the shot a hair too much room and left a shaker 8-pin as the ball barely made it back to the pocket. This gave Ciminelli a chance to win with a double and 8 pins, and the emerging star calmly stepped up and threw two clutch strikes (and a nine-count) to slip by 238-236, setting up a dream match-up between the two lefties.
At this point in the show, we were treated to a Rob Stone “Around the World Series” feature, where he paid a visit to the player services truck and had a ball custom-drilled. Unfortunately, all the truck could spare was a 6-pound Lumber Liquidators spare ball (hey, times are tough, just ask Medford), so Rob was a bit disappointed. But these features are great and Rob is great at doing them, as his work on ESPN’s College Football broadcasts prove. And in case you’re not familiar with just how funny Rob can be, check out this chili pepper eating segment he did a while back.
After the feature, the women stepped in to contest their Viper Championship final. This match was a battle of the slow-hook special (Lynda Barnes) versus the high-hard-one (Liz Johnson). Lynda got nine on six of her first nine pocket hits and bowled a clean 196 as she never quite got lined up for carry, while Liz carried a turkey and a double for a 211 (despite an open in the first frame) to win her first PBA Women’s Series singles title (she took last year’s mixed doubles with Norm Duke in Reno). Even though I was a little sad to see Lynda lose (especially because she would later announce her retirement from big-time competitive bowling later in the summer), I was very happy to see Liz win, especially after her heartbreaking loss to Kelly Kulick in the Shark Championship semifinals a few days before this show was taped. She definitely deserved it after bowling so well for the entire World Series (and she has another show coming up in two weeks for the Scorpion Championship).
Now, the men’s final. This one was hard to pick a favorite. I mean, do we root for the young, non-exempt, seemingly out-of-nowhere challanger Ryan Ciminelli to pick up his first title? Or do we root for the young, head-shaved-in-support-of-cancer-stricken-friend, two-time champion Rhino Page? Luckily, they both bowled fantastic, with both guys tossing 7 of 8 strikes heading into the 9th frame.
Page had a potential 280 after missing just once (in the 2nd) while Ciminelli had a possible 279 with his miss coming in the 4th. Rhino added another X in the 9th, forcing Ryan to put the pressure on with a strong finish. Two stubborn 7-pins in the 9th and 10th thwarted Ciminelli’s chances, however, as he finished with a strong 246, leaving Rhino in need of only a mark to win. Rhino struck, and closed out the game with a fantastic 268, earning his third career title and an automatic slot on Tour next season.
For Ciminelli, the runner-up finish has to be a bit of a disappointment, especially after coming so close the prior week. But, his fast start will certainly give him a great chance of earning his exemption through the point list (that is, if he doesn’t win later in the season, of course) and he was just named Bowler of the Week by a local news station in Buffalo, so at least he has that going for him. After spending a little time with both players during the World Series, I can honestly say that they are both great guys (have you seen all the humanitarian stuff Rhino’s been up to lately, I mean, the guy’s a bowling version of Nelson Mandela) and I would expect to see a lot more of both of them in the future (Rhino for sure since he’s qualified for the PBA World Championship final live on ESPN December 13).
Here are a few more items of note from this week’s show:
- Randy had a couple of doozies this week with “Hair in a biscuit” (sounds like the name of a punk band) and “the lyin’ shot.” Randy rolled out the second bit of jargon after Haugen missed in the first frame and blamed Jaros for burning up his path to the pocket…the term implies that Mike’s comment was covering up for a poorly thrown shot.
- Chris Barnes looked genuinely nervous during Lynda’s match. Might have been interesting to have a mic on him during the match?
- I wonder why the righties weren’t playing as close to the gutter as the lefties? Although it did look like Haugen had a pretty decent reaction where he was.
- To my knowledge, the last time a player won on Tour using a urethane ball was Brett Wolfe bombing ‘em with a Blue Hammer at the Masters in 2002. Like Rhino, he also tossed 260+ in that final.
- Check out the trick drilling Rhino used in the final match! You can see it during the Post-Game show in Storm Rep Chris Schlemer’s interview.
I’ll be back later this week with a blog on my experience working on CSI, as that bowling-themed episode will air on CBS at 9pm Thursday, November 19, then again next week for the recap of the Chameleon Championship. See you then!